We’re in the same room – but are we doing the same thing?

A copy of my article published in the Sunday Times of Malta today

Julila Mcdaid article in Sunday Times Networking, for many, is a fundamental part of their business life. Whether they like it or    not.    And some do really love it, others tolerate it and some are overwhelmed. So does it make a difference whether you are a man or a woman?

I can remember way back when in the days when I was a young accountant, I used to go to business networking events and they could be pretty stuffy. The attendees were mainly men in suits. I got quite used to being a woman in a man’s world.

But is that what it’s all about? Is networking a man’s game?

Traditionally business networking certainly was a man’s game, things like the Masons, Rotary, Lions Clubs and so on were men only. And it’s not so long ago that the same applied to golf clubs, yacht clubs and similar places.

That’s not to say that only men networked, you would see men networking at these business groups as well as in the coffee shops, at the golf club, the sports club and so on. And the women would be networking at the shops, in each other’s houses, at school and more recently in places like the gym or spa.

Over the years though business has changed, it’s much more open and mixed so you have to play things differently. As a result many organisations have opened up and are much more balanced between men and women. And of course there are also women only networking groups too.

So how does it all affect you as a business person when you want to network?

Well the thing is we are different. We’re all human beings and all business people but the masculine and feminine think and act differently.

Just as in sales it pays to understand the customer and speak their language, so it is in networking. At the end of the day it’s a all about communication, so the better you can understand how to communicate with different people the more effective you can be.

So don’t limit yourself to only half the marketplace, make sure you can connect with both and so maximise your target audience.

And the way to do this is to understand how we do it differently so that you can then adjust and communicate to the other half of the room. None of us can expect the others to communicate like we do, men are more direct with fewer words, whereas women like to chat. Women naturally read non verbal signs better, men are naturally more competitive and look for recognition.


We perceive it differently

We tend to have different priorities generally, men do what they need to do to succeed, including being where they need to be and putting in long hours, its built into who they are. Women typically have other priorities and want more a flexible business.

And we define it differently too. Men call anything networking where they could get business, whether it be golf, a formal networking event or whatever. Women on the other hand call all non official networking events, socialising. So to them voluntary groups, school meetings, sports etc is social and not networking (even if they are networking without realising it).

We also often have different business goals and reasons for being in business, which will affect our networking goals and so the way we network.

We are made differently

As you would expect women tend to display more feminine traits and men more masculine traits. So when they are networking women are often better listeners, more likely to actually hear what is said. They want to collaborate so are looking to work together. And they will place a premium on relational aspects of networking, feeling that it is important to get to know fellow attendees.

Men typically are problem solvers and tend to be task oriented and will likely also be interested in status.

We may be looking for different things, the women are often looking beyond just the networking, the men are on a mission, they have a plan and a strategy. They are there for a reason and want to achieve what they set out to do.

These differences are also noticeable in terms of preparing for networking when new to it. Whilst men have a tendency to want to learn to do things on their own, so will dive in to networking and learn on the fly. Whereas a woman is more likely to learn some skills before she goes.

Build on the differences

The bottom line is we are the same but different. We see things differently, are motivated by different things and have different targets. As a result the way we approach networking varies, not only between individuals but between men and women.

If we take the time to understand and learn from each other, we can utilise this information to improve our own networking and communication skills, and ultimately our business results.


First published in the Sunday Times of Malta on 22 February 2015. Copyright Julia Mcdaid – author


Unnecessary Fear

Dining in the dark, some observationsA couple of years ago, I went for dinner at Dans le Noir. For those not familiar it is dining in the dark, pitch black. So its like experiencing the world as a blind person experiences it.

I found it a fascinating experience, it was weird to start with, though surprising how well you manage. And obviously you start using other senses more, people were checking the plate was empty with their fingers, and you easily know each of your dining companions, and even your waiter by their voice.

Although it was a bit different, I didn’t find it unsettling, to me it was more of an adventure. Yet what struck me most was how some of my dining companions were letting fear spoil the experience. Two of them wanted to leave as soon as we’d finished eating. They couldn’t relax. I quote “I like to be in control, and I don’t like that I can’t just get up and walk out if I want to”

To me it was obvious that their ego “stuff” was kicking in, the rest of us had relaxed and let go and were quite happy. I recognise it because I know I have “control freak” tendencies too, if I let it take over. Since I have been more aware of it, I can just let it go, which made my experience a lot more enjoyable, I could just be curious.

It actually makes me very grateful for the awareness, and ability to let go and relax, and also aware how I sometimes forget that others are seeing the world differently.

Because actually we were not in any danger, we had nothing to be afraid of, we had just temporarily lost the use of one of our senses. (that’s a whole other blog)

How do you think you would cope? Would being unable to see freak you out, even if you knew it was only for a couple of hours?

Sharing relevant information with your audience

We all know (don’t we?) that to connect and engage with our audience we need to provide relevant useful information. So in addition to your own writing where can you source this from?

Obviously you can search the web, everything is out there somewhere….

However finding a way to streamline your research and have it all in one place and be able to share from there would make it a whole lot quicker and easier wouldn’t it?

Well one solution I have found that works for me is this:

– Set up a Google Reader account, here you can follow the feeds for all the blogs you are interested in, just add them as you come across them.

– Set up Google alerts, this is where you set up automatic searches around your key subjects for example one of mine is women entrepreneurs.

– When you set up the Google alert, have it delivered to Google Reader NOT to your email.

– If you have an iPad/iPhone/Smartphone get the Flipboard App. It’s free. set up your Google Reader account as one of your sources of data here.


Bingo, now you have all the stories in magazine format, and you can share directly from there to Twitter, Facebook and so on. It’s easy and its fun 🙂

Since I joined the dots on this I have found it a lot easier and quicker to share useful information.
Give it a go, and let me know what you think. And if you have any other time saving tips please do share them.